
A Letter to My 15-Year-Old Self: From Self-Doubt to Self-Love
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If I could be in a room with my 15-year-old self, I would hug her.
I would hold her tight—rocking back and forth—because that’s the hug she always needed.
I would whisper, "I love you. I’m proud of you. Look at us… we did it!"
Not because I never heard words of love or encouragement, but because I wasn’t proud of myself.
Because, at 15, I didn’t even want a life. I HATED being overweight.
The Weight of My Own Thoughts
I used to cry every day. Not just sadness—something deeper. My inner dialogue constantly told me I wasn’t enough. I questioned my existence, and sometimes, my choices reflected that.
- I surrounded myself with toxic relationships.
- I shut out the world.
- I barely ate, developing a toxic relationship with food.
- I imagined my own death in freak accidents.
Reading an old letter the other day reminded me just how dark my mindset once was.
Now, years and years later... I am over it.
The Turning Point: Choosing Positivity
I have to choose to see the positivity. Some days, I have to search harder for it. But happiness is now a recurring theme in my life.
And I am done—done—hating myself.
I will no longer:
- Constantly critique my body.
- Look for my reflection in every window, mirror, or screen, hoping to "check" myself.
- Obsess over food and fitness to the point of exhaustion.
I have pushed myself beyond my limits, and my body has paid the price.
I remember fainting at a Wale concert at St. Andrews because I hadn’t eaten enough.
I felt it coming. My vision blurred like a kaleidoscope of colors, my hearing muffled as if my ears were stuffed with cotton. Heat crept up my forehead. Sweat trickled down my back.
I tried to sit, to stop it, but before I could… I blacked out.
When I came to consciousness, security was lifting me up. A kind stranger handed me water and fruit juice. She talked to me, making sure I was okay. Security kept checking in, and I was grateful. But I was embarrassed.
I told myself: This has to be the last time.
Redefining Beauty & Strength
I’m no longer chasing an unrealistic fitness aesthetic.
The same God who created the stars, the oceans, and the heavens… created me exactly as I am. How dare I let the world tell me I’m not beautiful?
Now, my goal isn’t to be a "skinny Paige." It’s to be a well Paige.
Lessons from My Journey
If I could talk to my 15-year-old self, I’d tell her three things:
1️⃣ Write & Reflect Every Day – Journaling helped me process emotions and see how temporary hardships really are.
2️⃣ Try New Activities & Step Out of Your Comfort Zone – I discovered so much about myself through sports, dance, and fitness classes.
3️⃣ Consistency Over Perfection – I committed to 21-day cycles: go hard, rest, repeat. The point? Never give up. Progress takes time.
Self-Love Right on Time
I wish I had loved myself sooner.
But even though I started late, I feel like I started right on time.
Self-love brought me to life. It made me feel anew.
I haven’t always been my best. I haven’t always made the best choices. But I have grown—into a woman I love, respect, and am proud of.
Being overweight was heavy—both literally and emotionally. But now, I’ve let that weight go. Not just from my body, but from my soul.
And if nobody else wants to talk about what it’s like growing up overweight in a world that glorifies thinness… I will.
To whoever needed this today—thank you for being here, for reading my story.
And remember: Baby steps still get you there. 💛
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Peace and posi,
p